Dear Sam

Dear Sam,

I have been thinking alot about our conversation. You know the one where we got mad at each other, and missed what we were saying..... You were talking about people who seem so resigned in their daily lives, their mundane day -in- day out existence, that they forget who they wanted to be. They get so set on surviving, they forget to live. You said you were choosing life and passion over what may look like the "responsible" choice to everyone else. You said you were not talking about me at all...

But guess what, Sammy-Sue.. you kind of were...

See I have been really fixed and set on "survival" So hell bent on "I can do this, watch me" So busy making responsible and expected choices...so set in my routine and my need to do things right that I forgot a few things. Like who I am. Like what I LOVE.

So, Sam.. as usual, my good friend who always speaks truth into my life. ( even when it may be inadvertant) Thank you. For waking me up, and making me think. Reminding me that just because I do have some big responsibilities on my shoulders, I am not locked in to a mundane existance. ( not that life with two year old twins is boring, mind you) I was created for Life, Abundant! Not a wait on something or someone to come around and make it better, but a go find it, dig for it, or maybe just be open to it kind of life.

What does this mean, you ask? I am not sure. But I think it looks like me applying to Grad School, writing that song with Jenny, walking through what I am afraid of, and some road trips... for a start!

Love, your friend, Lacey

Valentine's Day

Another confession. I don't like Valentine's Day.. As a single Mom, it usually kind of stinks. It seems so manufactured, and full of empty expectations and let downs. And I woke up with this attitude. BUT, a friend at work looked at me ( across a chocolate fountain in the breakroom no less) and said, "Lacey, girl, you are young, you are successful, you are LOVED by so many people and have two amazing children...celebrate THAT! So much love! An have another chocolate marshmallow" And ya'll, she is right, I have alot of LOVE to celebrate. Ok, so it may not be a romantic love right now, but its better. It is Agape love, it is the way my babies love their Mama, the way my family loves each other, and the way my friends love me and I love them! It is God, for He is love, in and through each of us! So......

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Here are pictures of my sweet boys working on their Valentines!

Nathan, saying "paint, Mama, paint!"

Noah, making purple!

My Valentines! They are wearing Snoopy shirts that say "Heartthrob" Yes!

Our loot, ok their loot, but you know, they share :) The balloon was mine, actually!

Shanna's Shower

I know I have posted about one of my most favorite people and dearest friends, Shanna! She is such a blessing and one of the best and most giving people I know! Well, sweet Shanna is going to be a mommy to a baby girl named Zoe. We got to have a shower for Shanna at my house this weekend. Here are some pictures!

My Mom, Dee Dee, and Kristin's Mom, Cindy Lou

Shanna's sweet Grandmother Mae, The Mommy to Be, and her Mom, Jackie

Amanda, Kristin, Shanna, Me and Sarah, GBCN girls

I have to confess a slight jealousy over sweet baby girl stuff, and I am majorly coveting the stroller we got her, so light and folds up in a SNAP!!!

Yummy girlie shower food!

This is mine.

I have been thinking alot this week about sharing. One of the things about being a single Mom is that you can't do everything. You just can't. I am blessed to have some sweet people who step in on a regular basis and help me raise my sweet boys. And I am eternally thankful, and humbled, and loved. But, sometimes this is hard. Not just because I hate "needing" help .. ( which is ridiculous, b/c I am not wonderwoman and we are made for community) but because its hard not to always be their number one. To put in hours of work and commute and housework, to have them wake up and ask for someone else...well, sometimes it breaks my Mommy heart. And it brings in the Mommy guilt. Now don't get me wrong, I know truth, I know they are two and they simply want who they want..and they know the routine and who comes when.. but I am human :) Then this week happened.. One night this week, my sweet Nathan who NEVER has trouble sleeping, couldn't go to sleep. He cried and cried.. He cried for ME... He wanted Mommy. I went and got him out of his bed, and sat on the floor with him.. and we snuggled. I sat their, holding him, and I wispered Love you Nathan... and he whispered " love you Mommy" ( it sounded like loooo u mommy) and I thought "This is mine..." This sweet middle of the night, first thing in the morning love... This is mine..

And it made everything ok again.

Another one to help me remember..

I was thinking today about the funny, funny things that toddlers do and say..lots of that going on around here. In an ongoing effort to remember the little things..here are a few for you.

Anytime we go somewhere, and someone says hi to them..Nathan immediately points to Noah and says TT..( his name for Noah) as if he is introducing him.

Right now we are obsessed with Thomas the Train, in particularly the "Lion Of Sodor " and "Creaky Cranky" but Nathan calls that last one "cranky cranky" Noah LOVES our Thomas the train sets..he has started saying Train, Choo Choo and Shake ( for the Shake Shake bridge) . He is always bringing me track pieces and trains to hook together. He has gotten really good at putting his trains away!

Noah likes to put himself in time out... If I come around the corner and he is sitting in the time out spot, I immediately look for something spilled or broken.

The other day, we turned in to ChicFila.. and Nathan clapped his hands with joy and said "oh, yeay! Nuggets!" ( oh dear)

Noah still wakes up almost every night around 3 am..he calls from his room Momma, UP, Momma Up.. and 9/10, I go get him and we snuggle and fall back asleep. Until he wakes me up pulling my hair asking for fireman sam. (sigh) The other night, he slid out of my bed, walked around and turned on my ipod alarm clock Nice way to wake up at 4am.

Both of them love a routine. When we go upstairs, one of them has to turn the light on, and Noah always goes first, then Nathan. And they always ask me to hold whatever it is they are holding.. milk cups, Nathan's frog, Noah's train...when we get to the landing, they both lay down and laugh...every.single.time.

Sometimes I think Nathan might be a little OCD.. he has a thing about doors.. he is always closing bedroom doors, bathroom doors..and now cabinet doors. If he is eating and a cabinet is open, he says "close it Mama" Weird, right?

Guess thats it for now!!! Pictures coming soon!

Faith Like a Child

I tend to complicate things. No, really I do. ( Yes, I know, some of you are thinking, "tell me something I don't know") The last couple of weeks God has put some very "child like" thoughts on my heart.

I don't do resolutions any more. Because I think they just set us up for failure, giving us another system to live an manage life by. Yeah, no thanks! But I am sort of resolving to simplify my life. I look at the sweet and sneaky faces of my two year olds, and wish for a simpler life, when BAM, I realize it is mine for the taking.

I think Jars of Clay said it well in their song "Faith Like a Child"....

"They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing into the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child"

There are many things I can think of that I want to see or do through the eyes of a child, the sweet simplistic life.

I want to play. With abandon.

I want to run just because I want to. Because it is fun. Or because Mama is chasing me!

To eat ice cream, outside and let it melt all over my fingers, and not worry about being sticky or messy.

To know that if I wake up in the middle of the night, crying from a bad dream, somebody is going to come get me, and hold me and to know in my heart of hearts it is ok and that it was just a dream.

To sing (worship) like nobody is watching, just because I can and I love it. And to mean it with all my heart, and to not worry about how it sounds.

To believe...

So goodbye to smelly old complicated 2011, hello 2012.

I am ready to walk into this year free of baggage and complications. To see the sweet small joys of every day. To snuggle with my little boys, to savour my beautiful friendships free from fear and worry over what they think, to love my family and to enjoy my time with them. To worship, and not worry how I sound, or how I look. To sit and be still in the presence of my Saviour, resting in the knowledge that He loves me, despite my tendency to complicate. And to eat ice cream, outside. And not worry about my sticky hands.

Lacey <><

Tanks are TWO

I cannot believe my sweet babies turned TWO on the 14th. I may be wayy behind, but here are some bday pics, and some FALL stuff too. More to come!!!

We had a Halloween Party, complete with a pumpkin patch and a costume contest!

Pumpkin Decor!

My Favorite, the Mantle and the Candy Corn Birthday Banner I made.

Cupcake!!! He loved it!

He wouldn't touch it!